it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
