do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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