They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
