he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize