so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
