I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
