i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
