it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
