I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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