My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
