i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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