Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize