I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
