I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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