considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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