My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
