there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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