We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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