Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i dont even know how to be here
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
