Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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