There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
