i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
