i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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