textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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