Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
