I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
