I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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