Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
