tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Please don't give away my fajitas
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