My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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