Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
