We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
