you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize