It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
