why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize