wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
