My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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