A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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