Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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