so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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