Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
