I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
