i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
