i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
