She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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