I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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