Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
