So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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