her vagine was all disorganized.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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