He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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