you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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