Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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