6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
