Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we made out on top of his cat.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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