Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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