tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
