True but thats because hes a fetus.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
