If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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