you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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