now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
