Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
