Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
