one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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