He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
