I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
