my mouth tastes like poor choices
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
