Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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