i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
