Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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