I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
