God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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