omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's rum buckets o'clock
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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