Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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