Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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