look no pants
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
