There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize