I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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