Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
