i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
