UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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