All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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