my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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