covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
