so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
