hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
