you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
