if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
