I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
