you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
