After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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