Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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