u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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