i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize