so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
